Sluggish Cognitiveness and the dangers of Wikipedia

WELL. Anyway, in my numerous wanderings around Internet, I often come across Wikipedia. Sometimes I HATE Wikipedia, not because of what it is, but what it makes me do with all those hyperlinks and links to oh such interesting topics. Last time I spent my time reading about the Simpsons. Religious symbolism, political symbolism etc. The Internet is a lifesaver and the downfall of many an ADHDer. Then I was looking for words in Cornish and wandered around Gaelic, Nubian and spent who knows how much time wandering in the history of the Oriental Orthodox Churches. Gripping stuff. Didn't know there's been Christianity in India since the 5th century.

Back from my wanderings. I was idly reading on ADD predominantly Inattentive and stumbled across Sluggish Cognitive Tempo. Yesterday I used catatonia to describe the opposite of hyperactivity but didn't dare go and look for the word (which would be hypoactive duh!) cause I would probably end up reading about phrenology or something and spend six hours. So I came across SCT! WELL! Describes what I've been describing on this blog for some time. The lack of motivation, and energy to do anything mundane.

Information output-input problem? EXACTLY. It's that frequent feeling I have of "you-are-saying-something-which-I-recognize-as-a-language-I-understand-yet-I-cannot-compute-what-you-are-saying which my brain spews out as"HUH?, Ehm, urgh, gggg" and end up looking like a dolt.

Hmm, a lot of my difficulties are due to information problems, bad memory screw ups ooh, and then toss in a wee bit of impulsivity and you have the makings of a screw-up.

Sluggish Cognitive Tempo (SCT) is a descriptive term which is used to better identify what appears to be a homogeneous group within the ADHD predominantly inattentive (ADHD-I or ADHD-PI) classification in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition. It has been estimated that the SCT population may make up 30-50% of the ADHD-PI population.

In many ways, those who have an SCT profile have the opposite symptoms of those with classic ADHD: Instead of being hyperactive, extroverted, obtrusive, and risk takers, those with SCT are passive, daydreamy, shy, and "HYPO"-active in both a mental and physical way. They also don't have the same risk factors and outcomes. Their demeanor is sluggish, as if "in a fog" and logically they also process information more slowly. A key behavioural characteristic of those with SCT symptoms is that they are more likely to appear to be lacking motivation. They lack energy to deal with mundane tasks and will consequently seek things that are mentally stimulating because of their underaroused state. Those with SCT symptoms show a qualitatively different kind of attention deficit that is more typical of a true information input-output problem, such as memory retrieval and active working memory. Conversely, those with the other two subtypes of ADHD are characteristically excessively energetic and have no difficulty processing information.[1]>

Would you Adam and Eve that?

Lack of awarenes of my body and impulsive purchases

I took some paracetamol this morning and last night before I went to the gym. I used to suffer through body aches but this back strain is just painful. It's getting worse since Sunday. Last night, I kept waking up in pain. Putting a pillow behind my back helped but I’ll move and wake up. I hadn’t even noticed I was straining my back. That’s what sometimes happens with ADD, you forget about your body. I get bruises and cuts and don't even know how I got them. I have better memory about the cuts but not the random bruises. I've gotten used to pain, so I forget about it, then I get more cuts, then forget about them and get even more used to pain. I often forget to go to the bathroom in a timely fashion. NO! I don't pee on myself but it means I have to bolt out of my seat an hour later after my body has signaled me to go to the bathroom.

I got accepted into university in the UK. I was reluctant to write about it here, and to tell most people. The first flush of joy has worn off, and I’m sh** terrified. Money! Money! I can get a EU grant but I worry how I’m to live. And I was looking through my bank account and freaked out this morning. What the hell do I buy??? I don’t what s** I’m spending my money on. They all seem necessary.
My cream from La Roche for my eczema dry skin, 20€
The supplements I take, which I fully believe have improved my asthma, and helping my high blood pressure. another 20 euros. Maybe I can cut down on some.
My gym membership, maybe I should start running, but my knees will not thank me. 45€

My transport pass which costs 62euros,
my credit card payments (aargh, I have two!!!!! I’ve stopped using one thankfully as I still don’t have the card from when my wallet was stolen in January).
When I can, then pay off my therapist. She doesn't bother me too much about payments thank goodness.

I will have to stop buying clothes whenever it’s time to visit my boyfriend in whichever country he’s at the moment. He already helps me out with the plane tickets and buys food and things when we are together. But going to see Bruce Springsteen and going to an English posh wedding, I felt I had to whip out the card.

Money, money, money, money. It's all the stupid crap I buy. Of course I'm badly paid too. An extra 200 would be so helpful.

X:A girl named Manolo

Friday, November 02, 2007
A girl named Manolo



I’ve a terrible cold. I think it’s a bit worse though, an infection somewhere since I’m coughing green mucus, doubt it’s my sinuses, as they’ve barely bothered me, though I won’t get antibiotics, unless it doesn’t clear up in a week or so. There’s a campaign in Spain saying that we shouldn’t abuse antibiotics (about time!!! Finally). But then they should tell the docs too cause they give out antibiotics like candy.

I simply will eat lots of garlic, onions, fruits and vegetables. That should clear anything up. My voice sounds cooler too. I sound like a big smoker called Manolo. I'm cursed with a high-pitched non-authoritative voice.

My Halloween was okay, I was kinda sick, and perhaps shouldn’t have gone out but wanted to. Went out with a friend and left the party at about 2.15. Couldn’t take the smoky bars any longer. And stayed in bed the whole day.


I think I can be a bad girlfriend. My boyfriend lives in Amsterdam and it was his birthday yesterday. Since we don’t see each other very often, we can’t really have birthday presents and all that. I sent a card on Monday, but of course it takes about a week to arrive, I should have planned it better which of course I never do. And in my defense I’ve been thinking about his birthday since September, and didn’t simply remember 2 days before. He’s such a hard person to buy for, now if I had tons of money, it won’t be so hard but what’s a literally poor girl to do for a picky boyfriend? I decided to get a massage in Amsterdam for him, but now I have to work out the details. And sorting out the real massage parlors from the 'massage parlors'. It is Amsterdam, though he'll be delighted to have the other kind. In his dreams.

He’s used to getting presents late :-(

x: That oh so familiar chill in the stomach strikes again

Wednesday, October 31, 2007
That oh so familiar chill in the stomach strikes again

Crap. At work, I forgot about an order for printing 26 pictures and get their picture frames. I thought it was all sorted out. I got the formal written order and thought it was all sorted out. It turns out I hadn’t even given the printing people the go ahead for the project, and I was just reminded by the person who asked for this order, asking what happened? So I called, and the printing press guy says oh so we can go ahead then? I get a chilly feeling in my stomach, I hadn’t called to make the order and that was a week ago. I assumed I had. I hadn’t even sent the picture to be printed which I quickly sent off, said hell yea, please get on with it and the purchase order for him to sign and send by fax. Crap.


The person who asked for this order with whom I’ve clashed in the past got angry at the printing press people, why it’s taking them so long and we already asked a whole week ago. I kept quiet. Shit. I hope it gets sorted out very soon.


I really seriously thought I had finished with it, and crossed it off on my done pile.


The people I mess up for the most, I keep messing up for. I always forget their things, screw something up. They expect me to be incompetent for their orders and I don’t know why, I persistently forget stuff like this for them, and justify their image of me. I don’t know why!!! Although she seems to think I’m stupid, now that pisses me off. Stupid I most certainly am not. Forgetful, dazed, and just plain puzzled yea. I wish I could come off that freaking cloud I’m on.


Of course I was late again this morning, 15 mins. Sigh. I took it easier thinking since the 1st is a holiday, it’s ALWAYS calmer the day before, less traffic as people take the day off. NO. IT. WASN’T. WHAT. THE. F. So late I was. AAAAARGh, but it wasn’t just me.

Oh she’s still talking about the printing people.

X: Late, always late

Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Late, always late


Yesterday was unmitigated chaos coming to work the traffic just gets worse and worse. I could take the train but I’m too scared. I would have to take a bus to get to the station, then the train takes a long time as it stops at every stop for ages for unexplained reasons. Then I have to take a metro, then another. Too much chance for screwups.

I arrived at work 20 mins late. Urgh. Hopefully tomorrow being all saints eve, Halloween, and the 1st being a holiday, some people will take the day off. There are too many cars on the road. I won’t get a car cause I’m broke, broke, don’t have enough money for insurance and all the repairs involved.


The weekend was typical. I stayed at home because I wanted to tidy my room which I didn’t, I made one part of my room look less messy. And I didn’t feel like going out, I hid out in my room. I have to say ever since I’ve become fatter, I get fewer comments from nasty Spanish men; in fact I haven’t gotten any for weeks. Coupled with me looking a bit crap these days and no makeup, I’ve turned invisible. I think sometimes I actually like being fatter. I don’t get harassed.


Then my father was in his bitchy mood and asking me what I was going to do with my life seeing as I was a wasted investment. Typical weekend, although we’ve barely talked for weeks, just hello so that’s refreshing. I’ve got to get out of the house but of course I mentioned I was broke,broke. I’ll have to move country to get a decent pay.


Then at work there’s no sugar, I knew the sugar was going to run out, but I kept forgetting to make the order from the supermarket. Thank goodness a guy at work I’m friendly with saved my ass, he went and begged sugar from somewhere and brought in. Though he’s in a bit of a huff about it, but I’m grateful, why oh why do I do this?

Because we have a new coffee machine, everyone is getting coffee, even people who normally don’t drink coffee, and the bag of sugar that would last a month was wiped out. The order is coming in this morning, I ordered 3 bags of sugar At least we haven’t run out of toilet paper, I remember when that happened shudder, I had to sneak rolls from home to replenish the stock.
public 12:51 PM email edit

X: Super Procrastinator al ataque!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Super Procrastinator al ataque!Super Procrastinator



I procrastinate all the time. I don’t know why. Sometimes it’s sheer laziness, the rest of the time ADD ways. I forget to do stuff, and it doesn’t show on my mental landscape till later. Like it will take me months to do anything because I forget about it.



For example the camera I bought in April which I’m regretting, not the camera but how I paid for it. I signed up for a credit card which I used to buy the camera and it’s brutal, I should have taken the instalment plan offered by the camera people. Impulse again. Of course I always keep forgetting the payments and getting hit by late ones. Urgh.


Anyway, the camera, Pentax k10d, on any picture I take, there are two spots. When I first saw them, i thought it must be dust on the sensor, and used the sensor cleaning all the time. But nothing, I have to think it’s the sensor itself cause in all these months, those spots haven’t shifted. Anyway, I waited for 2 months to write, then waited again, then they told me what to do, then I waited. Why did I wait so long? The usual mix of forgetting, then when I did remember, just staring and my body ignoring me. So do it. Well do it, go on, do it. Then I go off and do something else. It’s like I’m paralyzed by fear or something. Like my physical brain laughs at my mental self, “Tell it to the hand” and ignores me. I don’t command power, not even in my own mind.


I really don’t know why it’s so difficult to do stuff. When I have a good day or am on Ritalin, I do stuff even when I’m reluctant. Adrenalin also makes me do things. Though that’s not healthy. Adrenalin used to get me going and pick me in the seat of my pants but now it’s like I developed a resistance to it. It doesn’t get me going like I used to.


Anyway, I managed to call and find out what to do with my camera. Finally. It was triggered by reading a magazine review on different cameras, mine included which gave me the kick in the pants I needed (adrenaline rush) and sorted it out. Now next to send it. I hope it doesn’t take long to do.

Which reminds me of the other stuff I have to send by post and have left hanging for months. For me it doesn’t seem like such a long time ago, it feels like weeks but I think about it and realize it was more than 4 months ago. ARgh .