Sluggish Cognitiveness and the dangers of Wikipedia

WELL. Anyway, in my numerous wanderings around Internet, I often come across Wikipedia. Sometimes I HATE Wikipedia, not because of what it is, but what it makes me do with all those hyperlinks and links to oh such interesting topics. Last time I spent my time reading about the Simpsons. Religious symbolism, political symbolism etc. The Internet is a lifesaver and the downfall of many an ADHDer. Then I was looking for words in Cornish and wandered around Gaelic, Nubian and spent who knows how much time wandering in the history of the Oriental Orthodox Churches. Gripping stuff. Didn't know there's been Christianity in India since the 5th century.

Back from my wanderings. I was idly reading on ADD predominantly Inattentive and stumbled across Sluggish Cognitive Tempo. Yesterday I used catatonia to describe the opposite of hyperactivity but didn't dare go and look for the word (which would be hypoactive duh!) cause I would probably end up reading about phrenology or something and spend six hours. So I came across SCT! WELL! Describes what I've been describing on this blog for some time. The lack of motivation, and energy to do anything mundane.

Information output-input problem? EXACTLY. It's that frequent feeling I have of "you-are-saying-something-which-I-recognize-as-a-language-I-understand-yet-I-cannot-compute-what-you-are-saying which my brain spews out as"HUH?, Ehm, urgh, gggg" and end up looking like a dolt.

Hmm, a lot of my difficulties are due to information problems, bad memory screw ups ooh, and then toss in a wee bit of impulsivity and you have the makings of a screw-up.

Sluggish Cognitive Tempo (SCT) is a descriptive term which is used to better identify what appears to be a homogeneous group within the ADHD predominantly inattentive (ADHD-I or ADHD-PI) classification in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition. It has been estimated that the SCT population may make up 30-50% of the ADHD-PI population.

In many ways, those who have an SCT profile have the opposite symptoms of those with classic ADHD: Instead of being hyperactive, extroverted, obtrusive, and risk takers, those with SCT are passive, daydreamy, shy, and "HYPO"-active in both a mental and physical way. They also don't have the same risk factors and outcomes. Their demeanor is sluggish, as if "in a fog" and logically they also process information more slowly. A key behavioural characteristic of those with SCT symptoms is that they are more likely to appear to be lacking motivation. They lack energy to deal with mundane tasks and will consequently seek things that are mentally stimulating because of their underaroused state. Those with SCT symptoms show a qualitatively different kind of attention deficit that is more typical of a true information input-output problem, such as memory retrieval and active working memory. Conversely, those with the other two subtypes of ADHD are characteristically excessively energetic and have no difficulty processing information.[1]>

Would you Adam and Eve that?

University and doing what I'm best at: procrastinate or do I have multiple personalities?

So I've been accepted at uni, I'm very worried about my studying and procrastination. It's not going to be easy.

For example, I'm doing an online photoshop course, and tomorrow, the 12th of May is the last day of the course. Have I finished all the exercises I had to do? No. Of course not. I just finished the 4th and I've another to go.

Maybe cause it's in Spanish, but I stare at what it says and it's gibberish. It takes an extra effort to understand what's going on. This happens to me often (not just in Spanish) about the gibberish issue. I can't seem to get it, I listen, read, and nothing, so then I get distracted, wander off, and leave the assignment till the last minute. Hmm, maybe I'm on something important here.
It's like I get a headache trying to understand it. I can understand the individual words but it's not making sense. But I'm not stupid. I can't process it.


It happened to me in programming class, long time ago in uni. I left an assignment till the night before (surprise, surprise) and I had to hand it in in the morning. It was 3am, I looked at what I do, thought duh, and wrote out the program by hand then went back to sleep. EASY! In the morning, I looked at what I wrote out, and I had no clue how it would work like someone showed you the inner workings of a rocket ship. Complicated stuff, you'll have no clue what all the symbols meant. but I thought to myself I seemed to know what I was about at 3am and I really have no choice, well, it worked on the first try. Why???? I had looked at the assignment a couple of days before, didn't know what to do and put it away. Maybe my unconscious worked away at it, but why didn't I understand what I had done? Why did I have only that margin of understanding at 3am? I didn't understand it before, and I didn't understand it after. What can I do to get that 3am understanding? It's like I was 2 different people. WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY HEAD? HELP.
Well, I'll have lots of opportunity in uni come September, oh please, please let me not flunk out again.

Anyway, I have to go and do my last photoshop assignment. Urgh!

X: Looking like a fool

Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Looking like a fool


I’m getting worried for myself really. I’m so out of it. I can’t even write my blog. Today since I have adrenalin running through my system, that’s giving me a kick in the pants.


Last week I had to go to a hotel to pick up some books from a conference for work, and I had to get a taxi. I walked out, then decided that I shouldn’t get a taxi from where I was, cause where would it stop? There were cars driving around and it might have to brake suddenly, causing pileups making me look like the fool who didn’t know how to get a taxi and everyone would be looking at me. It probably doesn’t make sense but that’s what went through my head.


So I walked further down, a couple of streets to find a good place where I wouldn’t have to disrupt anyone and draw attention to myself. And how do you do the arm? Flap it around, stick it up? I’m always told I do things too passively and am criticized (“Why aren’t you assertive, you are too passive, can’t you ask for something properly”,) so I worry I’m not waving my hand assertively enough am either too aggressive or too passive and people are contemptuous.


Deep down it’s silly I know but I worry, cause I never know how to do these things properly, I don’t want to look like a fool. In my life, there’ve been too many times I look like a fool cause I never know what to do in the simplest situations like flagging a taxi.


And this morning I had to go to get blood taken and an X-Ray, which I’ve been putting off. I just realized this week how much I’ve been putting it off, a month! I kept on saying tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and it’s not good cause I have to do something else and at work they will get angry if I ask for time off.


I forgot and ate 3 cookies on the bus. Just slipped my mind so I got only the X-ray couldn’t get the blood test as you’re not supposed to eat. Fool! I went the wrong direction on the metro. Then had to go back again. I couldn’t really understand the x-ray guy who was speaking, he was slurring his words and I’ve just been realizing lately(last 2 years or so) that I don’t hear speech very well so I don’t catch what people say. My hearing is fine, got it tested but I often don’t understand people, then I get nervous, and I forget what I’m saying and rubbish comes out of my mouth and uhms and ehms. Anyway he thought I couldn’t speak Spanish so I started blabbing that I couldn’t hear properly and I was especially confused this morning anyway.


Then I promptly forgot what he said, and sat around after the test thinking am I supposed to wait? I decided to wait because he hadn’t said anything like pick it up in a couple of days, and it happened to be the right decision, it often isn’t. I left then forgot to pick up the doctor’s note, got all the way to the metro stop for work before I realized I should have gotten a justificante (a doctor’s note) for work , then had to turn around and go back again for 3 stops wasting more time.


It’s nothing really but all the time something like this happens. I don’t know what’s going on (what did he or she say?, where am I supposed to go, um excuse me, I get ignored), and when I try to get people’s attention, they ignore me. I know deep down it’s because I don’t radiate outer confidence and people ignore you. It’s why I don’t like to ask, I can’t get people’s attention. I hope it’s because I’m too polite for Spain. I do often feel a bit more comfortable in the UK. I just feel pathetic all the time.
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