Lack of awarenes of my body and impulsive purchases

I took some paracetamol this morning and last night before I went to the gym. I used to suffer through body aches but this back strain is just painful. It's getting worse since Sunday. Last night, I kept waking up in pain. Putting a pillow behind my back helped but I’ll move and wake up. I hadn’t even noticed I was straining my back. That’s what sometimes happens with ADD, you forget about your body. I get bruises and cuts and don't even know how I got them. I have better memory about the cuts but not the random bruises. I've gotten used to pain, so I forget about it, then I get more cuts, then forget about them and get even more used to pain. I often forget to go to the bathroom in a timely fashion. NO! I don't pee on myself but it means I have to bolt out of my seat an hour later after my body has signaled me to go to the bathroom.

I got accepted into university in the UK. I was reluctant to write about it here, and to tell most people. The first flush of joy has worn off, and I’m sh** terrified. Money! Money! I can get a EU grant but I worry how I’m to live. And I was looking through my bank account and freaked out this morning. What the hell do I buy??? I don’t what s** I’m spending my money on. They all seem necessary.
My cream from La Roche for my eczema dry skin, 20€
The supplements I take, which I fully believe have improved my asthma, and helping my high blood pressure. another 20 euros. Maybe I can cut down on some.
My gym membership, maybe I should start running, but my knees will not thank me. 45€

My transport pass which costs 62euros,
my credit card payments (aargh, I have two!!!!! I’ve stopped using one thankfully as I still don’t have the card from when my wallet was stolen in January).
When I can, then pay off my therapist. She doesn't bother me too much about payments thank goodness.

I will have to stop buying clothes whenever it’s time to visit my boyfriend in whichever country he’s at the moment. He already helps me out with the plane tickets and buys food and things when we are together. But going to see Bruce Springsteen and going to an English posh wedding, I felt I had to whip out the card.

Money, money, money, money. It's all the stupid crap I buy. Of course I'm badly paid too. An extra 200 would be so helpful.

I avoided paying!

2 posts in one day! Anyway, yesterday I went to a sushi restaurant near my workplace. I leave at 3 pm on Fridays, the rest of the week, I leave at the Spanish working hour of 7pm. Insane to leave at 7pm. But on Fridays, we don't have 2 hour lunch breaks and leave at 3. There's always traffic and the bus takes ages to come, so I decided I might as well go and have something to eat. There's generally a set lunch menu at most Spanish restaurants which includes drink, first plate, second plate and dessert.
This sushi bar's lunch menu costs 9,90 euros, and since I have restaurant vouchers from work, with two vouchers, I would only pay about 60 cents for the whole meal so off I went. I arrived at 3:40pm and the lunch menu finishes at 3:30. I've arrived a little late before, even later and I still got the lunch menu. The guy said, sorry, lunch closes at 3:30 pm, expecting me to order something off the menu and pay separately for each item. I said I can't get a lunch menu? looking entreatingly with my fat face which of course didn't work. He said no. Most of the time, so as not draw attention to myself, I will get something off the menu and pay while hurting on the inside.
I thought screw this shit, and said bye! I'm very proud of myself. It wasn't because I was being strong, but I'm really really broke, and can't go around wasting money but I'm still proud! NO california roll for me. But I bought a bag of chips and devoured most of it on the bus, not so good. :-(

Little things that make a routine

Anyway, I was late to work today, not really my fault though I could have left the house earlier. I went with my sister in her car who dragged herself out of bed late and insisted on doing her regular routine of making sure she was very well washed, dithering between jeans etc so left the house late and coupled with the fog and bad Madrid drivers, well late i was.

So I'm trying to eat some kind of breakfast in the mornings which is not happening as I dash and run for buses and things. Oneof the random things my parents bought on their UK trip a couple of months ago was a sippy cup (the adult silver Starbucks kind, not the fluffy pink animals kind) so my usual plan of hoping I have some time to drink some tea and then leaving it to curdle in the kitchen was foiled! Well, what do you know? Those things are useful. Those people who tramp around the whole time looking all yuppie and serious about it. I'm one of them. It's a very American thing not a Spanish thing so don't get amazed I don't do this normally. At least this way it's easier to slip into my routine.

I had yoga last night, I do enjoy it but it's only once a week and I don't think it can do much about reducing my 160/90 blood pressure. I'll have to do something more energetic and regular so off to the gym I'm going. How much it will hurt as I cough up my very tight cash. I feel bad about it cause they are nice, and I only joined last month after disappearing for 6 months. Sometimes I will feel so bad about this sort of thing that I will continue paying so not to feel bad and there goes my money but this time I've no option. I'm living off my credit cards. BAD! BAD! DEBT VERY BAD! I've to look for another job like everyone else

X: Amsterdam return

Monday, December 03, 2007
Amsterdam return
So it was my birthday last week and my boyfriend treated me to a weekend in Amsterdam where he's living for the moment and a pretty MP3 player. So I had a nice time, I was so relaxed mentally. I don't know why but he seems to calm me down, we are not opposites but complementary. Interesting how one person can chill me out like that. I'm sure my BP was very low this weekend although I was dashing around. We've never lived in the same country so from the very beginning it's been a long distance relationship seeing as we met on a plane. So that's probably why we've lasted so long. We don't get sick of each other with issues popping up and me blurting out stuff. He seems to tolerate it and thinks it's part of my charm .


I must say if it wasn't for visiting my boyfriend (long distance relationship), I wouldn't buy any clothes. I flip between very miserly and spending impulsively. I've been quite miserly this year, although I fritter a lot of money on books and little treats (Starbucks, eating out, I have to stop) but I went all out (for me) and bought clothes. At least I have something to wear for work now, and half the stuff I bought I didn't take with me. I spent a lot in past years and so to control it, I become miserly and walk around with tattered trousers, shoes, jackets etc cause I can't let go and spend more than 10 euros at once, and also I've gotten fatter and don't want to buy fat clothes. I'm still nervous about checking my bank account. I DON'T want to look at it, even though I know I have to as I have to make a transfer for yet another late payment for my credit card. And the next payment is coming up on my second credit card. AArg. At least thank goodness I don't have to pay for driving classes anymore! What the hell happens to my money? I did get a bit of a pay raise. Nothing to write home about as 5% of shit is still shit.
I really don't want to see how much I've spent. I want to hide and avoid the issue. Fight the ADD!

I haven't eaten lunch for about 10 days for 2 reasons: one I spent my lunch time hunting for jeans that will fit me (no success, I had to borrow my sister's fat ones.) and two I got some flu/cold something and felt quite nauseated which I milked for all it was worth. I wasn't thinking of food! My work trousers were looser and since I stopped taking the pill, my fat deposits have changed. I don't put fat around my middle now.

Why is that I wonder? Estrogen should make you more feminine, more fat around the hips, thighs, and in me it worked the opposite. More fat around the middle. Hmm, see me go off on a tangent to discover why.