All the things wrong with me

I posted previously about my related complaints and how there seems to be always something wrong with me. Hmm, I'm looking at my blog, and can't find any posts like that. Maybe I posted somewhere else.
Anyway make a list:


I have asthma
I have eczema
Allergies
Balance and vertigo problems

Body dysmorphic disorder. I have had this since I was about 13. It's gotten better, I either hate looking into mirrors or stare into them too much trying to figure out exactly what I want to get fixed and berate myself for being so darn horrid looking. (My forehead, my chin, my lips, my eyes, fat sucked from my cheeks etc). I wish I could be comfortable in my body. I see a massive monstrous being every time I look in the mirror. Some people do say I'm pretty but I don't believe them though secretly I hope it's true. Being ugly is not NICE.

Eating disorders. I had low grade anorexia if that's what you call it. Anyway, it was a long period of barely eating and claiming to everyone else that my weight loss was my new diet or was nauseated from my balance problems(which had been recently diagnosed) which affected my stomach and claiming I had already eaten when I was seen not to eat. McDonalds was fantastic, not for the reasons you think. I ate there a lot. Every McD hamburger or fries I eat makes me nauseated. It must be the oil that is used over and over. Ugh. Anyway, I felt so ill that I HAD to throw up, and not digest the food. If I enjoy the food, I won’t throw up. Anorexic/bulimic like I guess. That’s when I started taking lots of supplements because I knew my nutrition wouldn’t be so good. Then since I was going through a major suicidal episode, I was given venlafaxine (Effexor in US, Dobupal in Spain)and I didn't mention to the doc that I was not eating at all and that just shot my appetite, then barely ate cause I had a constant tummy ache and nausea TOGETHER with my nausea from my vertigo and the occasional McD hamburger.
I went skiing, I was soooooo cold cause I was skinny, started eating and haven't been able to stop in spite of the occasional purging to stop it.

Anxiety disorder
Social Anxiety disorder
Hypertension
Oh yeah depression
ADHD

Anyway, it seems a lot of conditions are related (the psychological ones obviously, anxiety etc) but also the physical ones. It seems that Anxiety and Balance problems might be related. Hmm

Saturday spice cake and lesser intelligence

I'm beginning to realize that there's a conception that ADHD equals lesser intelligence. I never thought that, cause I've been reading up about ADD for a long time, but after some conversations I've had on blogs, and even one conversation with one psychiatrist, some people seem to believe it means of lesser intelligence.
The psychiatrist in question said, he didn't believe it as I had translated an article from English to Spanish which showed I was smart. Eh? I still see this psychiatrist since I have no other option, and he's backtracked on some stuff he said when we first met, though he claimed he didn't say that. And he asked me why I wanted stimulant drugs, like I was some kind of drug addict. Anyway.

I made a spice cake today, parents were away (yes I live at home though I'm 25+, for those Americans, it's a very tight housing market in Spain, and wages haven't risen to match it and since I was not looking forward to paying 45 years in blood to get a shitty house, I'm still living at home, like I have any option, with my low paying job. I could go and live on the street though. I could also pay 60% in my wages to rent an apartment, which doesn't take into account transport another 5%, and water, and gas another 20%, and if I went without eating, I could manage but oh lordy lordy, I'm moving soon. I will have to move to another country. )


so took the opportunity with peace and quiet, no screams of why are you cooking, and more screams of how dare I cook instead of eating prepared food with high sodium content which will make my blood pressure rise and make my eczema break out. I made my famous carrot spice cake. It used to be a carrot cake which morphed into a spice cake with the addition of spices, and sometimes it's an apple spice cake. It's a quite flexible recipe. I omit the frosting and if they say 2 cups of sugar, I add less about 1 1/2 cups. American recipes always have too much sugar.


Ah, my last blood pressure reading was 170/90. I don't understand why, I have been okay for a while, I'm doing exercise, I'm not sleeping terribly. Maybe I'm not eating enough vegetables and I've been a bit slack on the supplements. Maybe it was all the birth control pills I took previously. I was going to see my boyfriend, and I was having my period, and I wanted it to stop it which didn't work. Previously, it stopped when I took extra pills, but I think because I haven't been taking it in the proper cycle, it didn't work. And then the condom broke so I had to take extra pills as an emergency contraception and I know birth control pills raise the blood pressure.

I like cooking, you follow the recipe, set the oven, don't let it be too hot or too cool, check it from time to time, and you come out with something tasty. It's simple and those people who claim they can't cook, they are making excuses, if you do it properly, you too can make good food. The cake won't scream at you, why did you put too much spice, you can balance it out with cinnamon, and it always turns out delicious. Cooking is one of the few things I can do well. I even made an apple pie once and it turned out nice, all I have to do is perfect it.
I think I will go for a bowl of cake and berry yoghurt ice cream.

X: Study from the Univ of Florida about heart risks of stimulants in children with ADHD

December 03, 2007
Study from the Univ of Florida about heart risks of stimulants in children with ADHD


There. I can pinpoint Ritalin as one of the factors in my high blood pressure.

UF study examines heart risks of stimulants in children with ADHD
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Stimulant medications used to treat children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder may be responsible for an increased number of visits to the emergency room or doctor’s office because of cardiac symptoms, but deaths or serious heart complications are rare, a new University of Florida study reveals.
“Treatment decisions are always a risk-benefit assessment for doctors,” said Almut Winterstein, an assistant professor of pharmacy health care administration at the University of Florida’s College of Pharmacy. “We know about the benefits of central nervous system stimulants. There are a lot of advantages to the patient — improved concentration, the improved ability to interact socially — but the risks have been very poorly defined.”

Despite concerns about the risks of taking medications such as Adderall and Ritalin for the treatment of ADHD — the drugs are known to raise blood pressure and heart rate, and other members of this drug class, such as methamphetamine, are associated with serious adverse effects — use of the drugs has steadily risen over the past decade.
Winterstein, a pharmacoepidemiologist, led a team of researchers in pharmacy, pediatric medicine and psychiatry who analyzed records from 55,000 children ages 3 to 20 who had ADHD and were undergoing treatment between 1994 to 2004. The UF study, which sought to assess the effects of these drugs on the risk for heart disease, relied on the Florida Medicaid database of more than 2 million youth, cross-matched with vital statistics records — the first of this magnitude in ADHD safety research.

The researchers published their findings Dec. 1 in the journal Pediatrics.
Children who used central nervous system stimulants were 20 percent more likely to visit an emergency clinic or doctor’s office with cardiac-related symptoms, such as a racing heartbeat, than children who had never used or discontinued treatment. The researchers also reported that the rates of death or hospital admission for serious heart conditions were no different than the national rates among the general population, but the total number of events was too small to allow definite conclusions.

Since 1995, the number of patients newly diagnosed with ADHD has grown at a fairly constant rate, Winterstein said. Today, nearly one-third of these patients — more than 5 percent of American children — chronically take stimulant medications.
Approximately 3 million to 4 million youngsters in the U.S. are prescribed stimulant medications for ADHD, said Dr. Daniel Safer, an associate professor in psychiatry and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.
Safer added that the major side effects from stimulant treatment are decreased appetite and, in some cases, difficulty falling asleep.
“Methylphenidate and dextroamphetamine have been carefully studied for cardiovascular side effects in children for periods up to three years in extended clinical trials, and the reports indicate minor blood pressure and heart rate changes — which the authors deem clinically insignificant,” Safer said
2:26 PM

X: Aw! My heart

Thursday, October 25, 2007
Aw! My heart


Anyone who has taken drugs for ADD knows they can be dangerous for the heart.
There’s going to be a big study on the effects on the heart in the US , which is good I say.

I was taking Ritalin but I’ve stopped taking it for about 2 months because of heart concerns. My blood pressure is through the roof, 150/90 (I’m 20something, not fat), I don’t blame Ritalin but it didn’t help. I was doing exercise before my period and got really bad palpitations which scared me. I’m pretty sure I was having bad heartburn, but I had to get myself checked out, and went straight to the cardiologist.

I was taking Effexor before and birth control, and anyone will tell you I’m one of the most jumpy people they know. A major reason I don’t watch horror movies. I’m very anxious, with social anxiety and generalized anxiety and I have a list of medications I’ve been taking, lorazepam (tranquilizers), sertraline, Besitran (Zoloft US ), Prozac, and innumerable stuff to help me sleep. In Spain, it’s so easy to get tranquilizers and I had stupid docs, every time I went there, they just threw tranquilizers at me instead of dealing with me. You’ll probably get stabbed and they will say you are stressed and give you tranquilizers. After a while, I simply didn’t take this medication.

I left public health for my private insurance after I was feeling very suicidal, and my public doc told me to take tila (limeflowers ) for my nerves! Stupid bitch! I was standing in front of windows and debating whether I should throw myself out, and eyeing passing trucks thinking what if I simply didn’t move as the truck came down. And take fucking tila. I’m still so mad, I’m wondering if I should make an official complaint. So I went to a private psychiatrist who prescribed Effexor.

Effexor is a bitch. It raises your blood pressure for one, and I’d been asking whether I should get checked out. Oh, I was young, no need to worry said the doctor. And being ADD, I didn’t follow up. And now look at me.

Here it does say it’s transient, not in my case. It’s lingered for me. My blood pressure wasn’t this bad B/E (before effexor) and I’ve been really stressed. B/E it wasn’t the first time I was suicidal.

Prozac stopped my out of control eating, I was hungry all the time, but it didn’t do anything for my mood and neither did Zoloft. I did notice I was a bit more zombielike and apathetic on Prozac.
Effexor did balance my moods, cause I wasn’t just suicidally depressed, I was raging, and extremely irritable and I lost weight on one particular generic kind. Now that I’m still wondering about, they were both the same, 75mg, but one made me lose my appetite. I wasn’t interested in food and that was fantastic. The other one (Dopubal, Dobupal, I always get confused) didn’t affect my appetite. Before taking Effexor, I was throwing up on a regular basis, I was losing weight and then started on Effexor which wiped my appetite, I looked so cute!

My thighs, the bane of my life were slim and slender… yea, yea, anorexia/bulimia is not cool but I felt so in control, and that’s a feeling I’m not used to in all the years on this planet. I didn’t inhale food and finish everything placed in front of me. No impulse eating, control! I wasn’t a full bulimic as I wasn’t eating insane amounts, I just threw up when I ate something calorific which was most things.

So I’m waiting for more results from the cardiologist, hope it works out fine. I have to get a blood test and X-ray and keep forgetting to do them. Writing this out in my blog reminded me I had to call the hospital and find out when to go and I did :-)