Same old crap, different day

iI've been feeling so low about myself. I'm studying an Architecture degree, and working part time too. Work and Architecture don´t really mix especially for someone who´s time management disordered as myself.
I have dyspraxia/dysgraphia and ADHD and my planning and time management are really bad. I think they feed off each other.

The dyspraxia also means that I´ve problems with drawing and I'm studying an architecture course involving lots of drawing. And cutting. And making models. ha ha. Ha. I didn´t enter the course under false pretences, they said they would teach me to draw. Which mostly consists of exercises geared towards people who can draw already but want to improve and saying practice but they don´t really help me. I´m repeating the Studio course and have already failed my first project.
I can barely find any information on the net about adults and dyspraxia. I CANNOT find anything about dyspraxia and learning to draw. So I´m sort of teaching myself. There´s help for people with dyslexia or even dyscalculia but what about dyspraxia?

I feel so out of control and I´m getting really stressed.

My depression had eased though I did have a suicide attempt in the summer. I blame the stress and the medication I was on. My Body dysmorphia had eased and I could stare at myself and think I was actually kind of cute.
Now I don´t know. I´ve started avoiding mirrors again and telling myself I´m a disgusting monster.
The one time I felt really under control was when I restricted my food, exercised like mad, started lying to people that I had already eaten and my weight fell to almost 50 kgs. I´m normally 58-60 and I rarely fluctuate. I felt really good back then. I barely ate and and for once I felt totally in control. I had a very rigid schedule.
The worse I feel, then I punish myself by not eating. I have the bare minimum in my fridge not to arouse suspicion with my housemates. I´m starting to feel antsy about running to the bathroom to purge.

A whole year has flashed by

A whole year without posting!!! I kept thinking about posting but couldn't and avoided it. Why do I do that?

I was so incredibly stressed with my architecture course it was unbelievable.
My immune system was down and after years of not having cold sores. I got 2, one after the other. It was horrible and I ran out of iron, I became quite anemic, not too severe though but bad enough that I would get a stitch in my side simply from walking a few metres and I was constantly gasping for breath. It got so bad that I left a pole near the top of my stairs at home so I could support myself simply walking up the stairs!

And I posted about reboxetine previously. Well, I had to come off it. I'm never disciplined about taking meds, and I don't like taking medicine anyway (dyspraxia affects swallowing reflexes).
I would stop and start with the reboxetine. I try to take it at the same time every day but then I would be rushing out off my house, forget the meds then I'll be out the whole day, sometimes I won't come back and that's 2 days with no meds. Sometimes I couldn't remember whether I had taken it or not. Then I fall out of the habit and I would be reluctant to take it, you wouldn't think dry mouth is such a bad side effect but it's really irritating cause it's not just dry mouth, it's unpleasant feeling and taste in mouth with a side dose of bad breath.

Oh, and the insomnia. I once went without sleep for 48 hours because I just couldn't sleep. I felt awake like my sleep reflex had gone. I've had to stay awake for working on a model in class but I felt tired and so badly wanted to sleep so going without sleep is not unusual but that was by choice.
The time I'm talking about specifically, I didn't have anything due, I was just trying to sleep normally on a Friday and I didn't manage any sleep till Sunday night for about 5 hours. I didn't go out or do anything but sleep avoided me the whole 2 days, it was like reboxetine had put the brakes on in my brain and wouldn't let me sleep.

When I take it, I'm fine, when I start taking it after a few days of not taking, it's like I'm taking it for the first time and it makes me feel momentarily worse for a couple of days. Emotionally bad. If I'm already feeling bad, it will make me worse then it goes away and I'm better but I was up and down all the time till finally I broke and had to go to the emergency room. And I blame it on the reboxetine. So my GP has told me I shouldn't take it. I'm on nothing for my ADHD at the moment and there's no way I can go into second year with nothing.
I'm kinda sad because it DID help with seeing things in perspective when I was taking it so I didn't get into a negative spiral and I was more cheerful when I keep things in perspective and don't feel so overwhelmed all the time.

This course has been dreadful for me. Dreadful. There's no way I can do an architecture course with full blown ADHD and dyspraxia.
I have had 2 resits and resending of coursework and I still haven't done anything for my coursework. One week left!
The dyspraxia, a post for another time.