Monday, August 10, 2009

A whole year has flashed by

A whole year without posting!!! I kept thinking about posting but couldn't and avoided it. Why do I do that?

I was so incredibly stressed with my architecture course it was unbelievable.
My immune system was down and after years of not having cold sores. I got 2, one after the other. It was horrible and I ran out of iron, I became quite anemic, not too severe though but bad enough that I would get a stitch in my side simply from walking a few metres and I was constantly gasping for breath. It got so bad that I left a pole near the top of my stairs at home so I could support myself simply walking up the stairs!

And I posted about reboxetine previously. Well, I had to come off it. I'm never disciplined about taking meds, and I don't like taking medicine anyway (dyspraxia affects swallowing reflexes).
I would stop and start with the reboxetine. I try to take it at the same time every day but then I would be rushing out off my house, forget the meds then I'll be out the whole day, sometimes I won't come back and that's 2 days with no meds. Sometimes I couldn't remember whether I had taken it or not. Then I fall out of the habit and I would be reluctant to take it, you wouldn't think dry mouth is such a bad side effect but it's really irritating cause it's not just dry mouth, it's unpleasant feeling and taste in mouth with a side dose of bad breath.

Oh, and the insomnia. I once went without sleep for 48 hours because I just couldn't sleep. I felt awake like my sleep reflex had gone. I've had to stay awake for working on a model in class but I felt tired and so badly wanted to sleep so going without sleep is not unusual but that was by choice.
The time I'm talking about specifically, I didn't have anything due, I was just trying to sleep normally on a Friday and I didn't manage any sleep till Sunday night for about 5 hours. I didn't go out or do anything but sleep avoided me the whole 2 days, it was like reboxetine had put the brakes on in my brain and wouldn't let me sleep.

When I take it, I'm fine, when I start taking it after a few days of not taking, it's like I'm taking it for the first time and it makes me feel momentarily worse for a couple of days. Emotionally bad. If I'm already feeling bad, it will make me worse then it goes away and I'm better but I was up and down all the time till finally I broke and had to go to the emergency room. And I blame it on the reboxetine. So my GP has told me I shouldn't take it. I'm on nothing for my ADHD at the moment and there's no way I can go into second year with nothing.
I'm kinda sad because it DID help with seeing things in perspective when I was taking it so I didn't get into a negative spiral and I was more cheerful when I keep things in perspective and don't feel so overwhelmed all the time.

This course has been dreadful for me. Dreadful. There's no way I can do an architecture course with full blown ADHD and dyspraxia.
I have had 2 resits and resending of coursework and I still haven't done anything for my coursework. One week left!
The dyspraxia, a post for another time.


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