University, work and moving: so many changes! Dealing with change and ADHD

It's been kinda exciting, well, more stressful. We are in the process of moving at work, actually we already have and we are starting at the new place on June. I couldn't really care less, as I've informed them that I'm going to leave at the end of the month. I wanted to leave earlier as I'm so sick of it but at least I get the 'pago extra' and my salary for the month at the end of June. My boss asked me to stay on for a month, I only have to give in 15 days notice, and I did want to leave on a good note and I'm easily persuaded so I'm staying on till the end of the month.

* Pago extra in Spain. Many places pay your salary in 14 payments instead of 12 payments for each month. These 2 extra payments are handed out in summer and at Christmas. So in June and December, you get 2 extra monthly salaries. I don't know which is better, to get more money 12 times a year, or get less money and have 2 extra salaries. (It's not really extra, it's your salary). It does feel nice to get that extra boost but then maybe I wouldn't be struggling so at the end of each month.

So I'll be headed for Bristol. This is the original Bristol in the UK, not the one in Connecticut, US.
I was shit scared for half of May, and strongly debated whether I should do this (go to university to study architecture). I was this close to packing it in and constantly berated myself for doing this. I was even under a depression as I was convinced I'm going to fail AGAIN. I didn't like it! I was worried about my gym, as I've finally worked up a routine and even met people there, I was now going to leave. Silly, I know. Maybe I shouldn't do this. I've been racked by self doubt. ADHD people find it hard to deal with change even when it's positive! I've been wanting to go back but faced with the actual change, I was horrified.

But it seems I've gotten used to the idea, and I'm looking forward to it and want to be there NOW! It seems to have gone so fast. I've got my EU student tuition loan I wasn't worried I wouldn't get it, but it's comforting to finally have it.

I found an apartment for the 1st of July but it fell through as the people who were leaving decided not to leave. I'm annoyed so now I'll have to find another place to stay. I want to work in Bristol the whole summer before classes start. I felt it would be better to start in Bristol rather than going to London where I know people and then go on to Bristol. So now to find a job in the UK. I think I should be alright, I've worked admin jobs before, I speak Spanish and English though these days my French is pitiful but I can get by. Crossed fingers!

Xanga post: Scapegoat of my own destiny

*****I'm transferring my XANGA posts to blogspot. I'm sure I'm doing things wrong, and there's some way of passing them over but I don't want to spend days trying to figure it out, so here goes*****

October 22, 2007

Well, the start of a new spanking blog. I hope I can keep this up as you know us ADD/ADHD people tend to start a new project and then forget about it as we jump to the next one. This is my third blog so far ha ha ha….ha.

I used to be so excited at every new project now I just think here we go again. I would love to finish something, and I think i’m getting worse and worse as the years pass me by, and having stopped Ritalin hasn’t helped. (High BP).

Where is that excitement I used to get? I don’t feel like the mistress of my own destiny, I’m just blown about on the turbulent seas of my own mind.
Umm, like where do I start? Er, um, hmm. Okay, concentrate already.
Like I’ve mentioned in about me, when I feel like screaming, I’ll try to write it down. Hopefully, it will help someone.

Like now I’m at work, now I don’t know where I put the key for the mailbox for work, I always stick it in a box on my table and this morning it wasn’t there. Did someone pick it up? Did the cleaning lady vacuum it? Did I stick it in my jeans pocket on casual Friday? In my handbag it isn’t cause I already checked. I hope it shows up soon. I will soon be reduced to pulling out the big envelopes out of the mailbox. Arrgh! Something like this always happens to me.
Oh, I just got an idea, I stick my hand behind the table, and it’s hooked back there. It must have fallen in there instead of inside the box. Phew! One less thing to look like an idiot over.

I’m beginning to notice that because I’m so used to thinking I screwed up somewhere, anytime something happens, I think it’s my fault, get apologetic, and it’s being used against me at work. I apologize for everything. How useful, all the office sins are put on my shoulders and i’m released into the wilderness.