Xanga post: Scapegoat of my own destiny

*****I'm transferring my XANGA posts to blogspot. I'm sure I'm doing things wrong, and there's some way of passing them over but I don't want to spend days trying to figure it out, so here goes*****

October 22, 2007

Well, the start of a new spanking blog. I hope I can keep this up as you know us ADD/ADHD people tend to start a new project and then forget about it as we jump to the next one. This is my third blog so far ha ha ha….ha.

I used to be so excited at every new project now I just think here we go again. I would love to finish something, and I think i’m getting worse and worse as the years pass me by, and having stopped Ritalin hasn’t helped. (High BP).

Where is that excitement I used to get? I don’t feel like the mistress of my own destiny, I’m just blown about on the turbulent seas of my own mind.
Umm, like where do I start? Er, um, hmm. Okay, concentrate already.
Like I’ve mentioned in about me, when I feel like screaming, I’ll try to write it down. Hopefully, it will help someone.

Like now I’m at work, now I don’t know where I put the key for the mailbox for work, I always stick it in a box on my table and this morning it wasn’t there. Did someone pick it up? Did the cleaning lady vacuum it? Did I stick it in my jeans pocket on casual Friday? In my handbag it isn’t cause I already checked. I hope it shows up soon. I will soon be reduced to pulling out the big envelopes out of the mailbox. Arrgh! Something like this always happens to me.
Oh, I just got an idea, I stick my hand behind the table, and it’s hooked back there. It must have fallen in there instead of inside the box. Phew! One less thing to look like an idiot over.

I’m beginning to notice that because I’m so used to thinking I screwed up somewhere, anytime something happens, I think it’s my fault, get apologetic, and it’s being used against me at work. I apologize for everything. How useful, all the office sins are put on my shoulders and i’m released into the wilderness.