X: Amsterdam return

Monday, December 03, 2007
Amsterdam return
So it was my birthday last week and my boyfriend treated me to a weekend in Amsterdam where he's living for the moment and a pretty MP3 player. So I had a nice time, I was so relaxed mentally. I don't know why but he seems to calm me down, we are not opposites but complementary. Interesting how one person can chill me out like that. I'm sure my BP was very low this weekend although I was dashing around. We've never lived in the same country so from the very beginning it's been a long distance relationship seeing as we met on a plane. So that's probably why we've lasted so long. We don't get sick of each other with issues popping up and me blurting out stuff. He seems to tolerate it and thinks it's part of my charm .


I must say if it wasn't for visiting my boyfriend (long distance relationship), I wouldn't buy any clothes. I flip between very miserly and spending impulsively. I've been quite miserly this year, although I fritter a lot of money on books and little treats (Starbucks, eating out, I have to stop) but I went all out (for me) and bought clothes. At least I have something to wear for work now, and half the stuff I bought I didn't take with me. I spent a lot in past years and so to control it, I become miserly and walk around with tattered trousers, shoes, jackets etc cause I can't let go and spend more than 10 euros at once, and also I've gotten fatter and don't want to buy fat clothes. I'm still nervous about checking my bank account. I DON'T want to look at it, even though I know I have to as I have to make a transfer for yet another late payment for my credit card. And the next payment is coming up on my second credit card. AArg. At least thank goodness I don't have to pay for driving classes anymore! What the hell happens to my money? I did get a bit of a pay raise. Nothing to write home about as 5% of shit is still shit.
I really don't want to see how much I've spent. I want to hide and avoid the issue. Fight the ADD!

I haven't eaten lunch for about 10 days for 2 reasons: one I spent my lunch time hunting for jeans that will fit me (no success, I had to borrow my sister's fat ones.) and two I got some flu/cold something and felt quite nauseated which I milked for all it was worth. I wasn't thinking of food! My work trousers were looser and since I stopped taking the pill, my fat deposits have changed. I don't put fat around my middle now.

Why is that I wonder? Estrogen should make you more feminine, more fat around the hips, thighs, and in me it worked the opposite. More fat around the middle. Hmm, see me go off on a tangent to discover why.